Ugh. Rough day. I am writing this post at 11:30 on Wednesday night because I have to switch up my schedule somehow. I have to get more organized. I have to do something other than what I am doing now.
What I am doing currently is evidently not working.
A few months ago I quit blogging. After a few weeks I was bored.
I tried for awhile to bust ass to keep the house clean…er. Then I gave up cause, what the hell? It NEVER stayed that way. EVER.
I try to stay present with my kids, but there is so much always that needs to be done. Always. Between trying to create a successful blog, cause if one is not trying to be successful to some degree than why is one here, trying to home school creatively, trying to just. keep. up. Presence is not happening.
I try to be a good friend and say, “Yes” while also remembering to say, “No” sometimes too. When saying “Yes” usually wins out cause I don’t want to be an ass. And I want friends. I love my friends. They are awesome.
I try to exercise and honor myself enough to care what I am putting in and on my body. But I am just tired. There is no time to fit it in too.
And then people post to Facebook about author signings to books like, “Cinderella Ate My Daughter” and now I have to be paranoid that letting my precious babe like princesses is somehow going to ruin her making me a totally irresponsible, not crunchy enough, crunchy Mom.
I feel incredibly blessed so often. But today it was one thing after another. One failure after another. I was a shitty Mom, a shitty housewife, a shitty teacher, a shitty wife, a shitty exerciser, a shitty eater, a shitty customer, just plain shitty. I could get on top of nothing. At this point, I usually would play this tape in my head for the next few days, making myself feel a whole lot worse.
Not this time.
This time I am going to adjust where I can. And then I am going to let the rest go.
I cannot make everyone happy. I cannot even make my own self happy all the time. I will allow myself to feel bad, sleep on it, and tomorrow I will awake with a renewed sense that everyday is an opportunity. There is no room for perfection. I will know I love my kids more than anything else in this world, and that will have to carry them through the days when we don’t get along that great. I will understand that I really do try my almost best. And that never won me any gold stars in the past, and it probably isn’t now, so I can cut myself a break already. I will remember that learning to love myself is a journey, not a moment.
And then I will enjoy my birthday present to myself this year, which I happen to be getting tomorrow.
Come back on Friday to find out what it is…and in the mean time, cut yourself a break. You are worth it. I am gonna. And right at this moment, I am gonna do this too, make a list for yourself of 10 things that you are fantastic at. Then savor them. And feel the goodness that comes from appreciating what you really are.
Cause you are amazing. There is only one you. And you have a million gifts to share with us.Tweet