*Evidently I don’t follow directions very well. Although, I am not sure the directions for this blog hop thing were actually on the site I came upon that introduced me to this little moment of sharing! So today I follow directions to the tee. And next TUESDAY come back to see the multitude of progress that has been made in the garden!
Do Skinny Girls Have Food Issues?
Except that would be a a lie.
For many years, I have made mention in passing with my women friends about not liking my body, feeling unhealthy, shame over my seemingly permanent muffin top, or just plain not wanting to get in a swimsuit due to my lack of enjoyment of putting on display the cottage cheese evident in many places of my body scattered under my skin.
What I find when I share such nuggets isn’t compassion, but more like aggressive eye rolling and annoyance.
Because I am skinny.
Of course right now I am about 5 pounds over my ideal weight for me. That would just piss off so many. Because of course when wearing clothes I look fantabulous. In a swimsuit, or shorts, or God forbid naked, I see another more painful story.
It is a story of a skinny girl who is addicted to food for all things emotional.
I use it to ease my anxiety. I use food to erase my feelings of being a totally inadequate Mom at least once every single day. I use Starbucks Mocha’s and Carmel Frappuccino’s to take away the loneliness I feel on a daily basis…even though I am surrounded by two beautiful, amazing, creatures at every moment. I use Newman’s O’s, and any chocolate I can find, to ‘treat’ myself as if I deserve to ‘treat’ myself like shit. I find any sugar laden snack to fill my world with love, because so often it feels like love is missing. I am obsessive to the point of planning out where my next fix will be coming from, and completely unable to go through an entire day without some sort of yumminess that I swear to myself I won’t eat tomorrow.
Except I do.
To make matters worse, I am hypoglycemic. My sugar addiction has already taken a toll on my body producing symptoms of low sugar when I come down from my sugar high. I can be skinny on the outside, with insides that are screaming for me to make a change.
Yet I still continue my addiction.
So please don’t judge me because I wear a size 8…my demons are just as painful as yours; my bag of hammers just as heavy. If I have shared my dirty little secret with you, it is because I am reaching out for understanding.
I am actually really happy to come upon this fitness/weight/health blog hop because all of our journey’s are a struggle whatever they may look like from the outside. We all have to fight everyday to stay on track. We all need support to pick ourselves up when we have fallen. We all need to see each other without judgment, but with compassion instead. Regardless of the complexities of our individual paths.
*This is where we show our community support by following other blogs and other journeys!