“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm, and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton
It is so elusive to me.
During the equinox, rhythm was on my mind a lot. One is supposed to set their intention in the spring around balance. I was needing balance alright, balance in my mothering. So much of my days were spent reacting. Reacting to what needed to be done, who needed to be where, who expected what, who needed what. It was a constant state of ‘automatic pilot’ yearning for more intentioned living.
It came to a head on Wednesday night when my six year old announced gleefully that, “You can’t make me.”
My less mindful self would have announced back with a sassy attitude and nasty look that, “Oh yes I can little buddy” with a glare that could have burned a hole right through him. But instead I went into silence. For like an hour. And instead of loosing my shit, I mulled the whole thing over. I realized that my intention for spring, to bring more rhythm to my mothering, was now in need of implementation.
I have a plan. And that is, to…make a plan.
First, we switched all of the kids activities to the afternoon. Second, we began to do school in the morning.
And that is as far as I have gotten yet.
My dream? A schedule that allowed for more time with community, less t.v., more time in nature, meditation circles in the mornings to smudge, chant, sing, call in God, learn how our bodies feel in silence, create an awareness in the house of deep listening to each other, time for ritual, daily quiet time, less fighting, more mindfulness, more efficiency.
What we actually have is, reaction to this fire. Reaction to that chaos. Trying to manage by dealing with what has just taken place or what we have to be doing in the next moment. Not a lot of living in THIS moment.
Today, tonight, and this weekend, I will be mulling over that which I want to bring more of into our daily experiences, and that which is not nurturing to those dreams of mindful moments with my children. And I intend to work it all out on an Excel spreadsheet. So romantic. From waking up, to brushing teeth, to nature walks, it will all be on there.
Why the detailed spreadsheet? I do this for the actualization goal of creating rhythm. I tend to be a pretty scattered gal, wanting to launch into whatever bee pops into my bonnet on any given day. If I just attempt to ‘wing it’ through this rhythmic adventure, I will get sidetracked and loose steam. I know myself at least that well.
Happiness=balance, order, rhythm, and harmony. I can second that Mr. Merton. I second that.
Stay tuned, I will update how this dance with rhythm pans out in our home. What worked and what was not so good. What the kids loved, and what they could do without. Those parts that I loved, and those that just didn’t end up as intended. And what we will hopefully have in a few weeks, a few months, and over the years, is a home that listens to what is going on and is aware and responsive when change is needed.