The Evolving Homemaker

One improbable housewife's odyssey into the realm of mothering, cooking, crafting, gardening, and more…


The End of the Road…

I quit.

No two weeks notice.

No weaning down.

I just quit.

The last couple of weeks have felt really overwhelming.  Last Friday night I spent making lists of how our lives would be organized, what our schedule would look like, what the kids school schedule would be everyday, what my schedule should look like everyday, so that I could feel some semblance of control.

I was out of control. And every. single. space in the day was filled with stuff that needed to get done.  No space.

And nothing has really changed since then.  I am constantly struggling to keep my head above water.  Treading. Getting the family through one event or challenge only to have the next one on its heels.  I am an impossible organizer.  I don’t have that bone in my body.  Or should I say, I like to organize, but when we are in a flurry of activity I have a REAL problem keeping things organized.  And so do my kids.  The apple never falls…you can fill it it.

Last evening, all I could think was, “Fuck me. What the hell?”  I didn’t blog that day, school took way longer than it should have, I never got to the garden, my crock pot dinner turned into spaghetti at the last minute, in which I had to go to the store to get butter and sauce, cause my master plan had evidently needed to be started THE NIGHT BEFORE. The house was a disaster, and I only had time to change one load of laundry.  Earlier in the day I had done dishes, so kuddos to me, but really.  Where on earth had the day gone?

In desperation I posted my feelings to Facebook, cause that is what we do when we haven’t had another adult to converse with all day, or one that understands our plight, like NOT our husbands.  Not to blame, but I don’t have a clue to the stress he is under and he likewise has no clue as to mine.  Regardless, my post said something to the fact that I am a failure at being the conductor of my own life.  I can’t seem to get all of the instruments lined up to play on cue. Sometimes there are so many instruments I don’t even know where to begin.

When I don’t have time to read, I know I am in really big trouble.  Reading makes me happy.  Really, really happy.  When I begin to get frustrated with my kids during school because I know there is a butt-load of shit that needs to get done and they are lollygagging, I know something is amiss.  There is TOO much to do.  When my kids come into the room and see me on the computer over, and over, and over, I know I am not being the example for them I want to be.  A person who actually lives their life, not virtually on a keyboard.  When the house is ubber chaos, and my husband is frustrated by it, I know that I am stressing about it too and that NO ONE is happy.  When I can’t read 10 books to my kids a day or spend time doing a holiday craft with them, I know I am not homeschooling the way I want to be and in a way that is fun for them.  When I am too busy we eat like poop, and I can’t exercise so I feel like poop, and am gaining weight WAY too much, and allowing the stress to add more.  I weigh more at this moment than I ever have in my life. No explanation of why that isn’t working for me is needed I am sure.

One of my friends offered the advice on Facebook to pull back, get reorganized, look at where my priorities are and start from there.  So I made a list.  Yes, you know me and my lists.  I made a list of my priorities this morning, things I know I need to be prioritizing in my life, things I want to be prioritizing in my life, things that I will know when I am dying that were worth spending my energy.

Guess what was NOT on the list?


I know that I will not be on my deathbed wishing I had spent less time with my precious babies and more time online.

A mother shared with me last week that when her daughter was asking her to come play with her she wondered when that would stop.  As she shared I knew her realization was for me too.  Soon they will stop asking me to play.  Soon they will not want to hang out and snuggle on the couch reading books.  One day they will leave home and I will wonder if I really valued the opportunity I had with them.  As short as it is.

And don’t worry that I am not providing outlets for myself.  I will still write cause I can’t help it.  Once a month I will post to another site I belong to; Get Born.  I will drum my heart on my djembe cause it gets me out of my head and into my soul.  I will plant my garden and build my greenhouse.  I will spend time with my friends, those that bring me coffee when I can’t get out to get it, the ones who bring me some dinner just cause they tried an awesome new recipe, those that continuously call me even though I never initiate cause I feel like I don’t have enough time…time, time.  I will go to church and explore my spirituality, and I will take my health for serious.  I will take my dogs on long slow walks cause I love them more than I could ever explain, especially to non-dog peeps, and have some time to rub a belly.

I can’t do it all.  And for once that is OK.

I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate each and every single one of you.  Your kind words, and words at all, have made my day more often than you could know.  You have meant the world to me.  Truly.  I am blessed that you stuck with me through good posts and bad ones, well thought out ones and hurried ones, the ups, the downs.  I wish you all the best at your endeavors.

I will be taking the site down in a few days.  I don’t need the temptation.  I don’t need the one night when I have time on my hands and nothing to do to be a call back to the computer.  Unless it is for a new recipe to try or a new homeschooling activity to bring into our school! Right?

And now it is time for me to get used to space.  I don’t do well there…yet.  I don’t do well in chaos at all.  So here goes nothing.  Some time, some space, and some dirt I can hear calling me from the backyard.  That sounds about perfect for a day.


Mindful About Random Acts of Kindess

If you remember last week and my massive list of steps to wellness, you can read it here if you don’t, I feel I need to clear up a few things.  First, the list is not a goal for every single day.  Lots of it I can do everyday, but not all of it.  It was really a road map for my goals and not a checklist of must get done’s, everyday, without fail.  It was a life of habits I wanted to lean into, not jump into blindly only to fail miserably.

Really.  Who want’s to have sex every. single. day? At some point, like day 3, that would just become a chore.  Of course if I asked a man that same question the response might be different.  And I can’t get body work every. single. day. Although I did tell my birthday massage therapist that if I was Oprah, I WOULD do that every day, at bedtime, after a nice long warm bath.  One would sleep like a stinkin’ baby.

So there you have it.  Don’t worry about me.  I am not trying to get to this list in completion and I don’t feel the pressure that all of those things are urgent today.  What is more urgent is trying to get my 5 year old to stop whining at the moment.  That would be equal to an hours worth of yoga in my book.

What I want to touch on today is the Random Acts of Kindness that comes in at #23.  This one is surprisingly easy to do when I am mindful that it is a goal of mine.  Once I made up the list I really was aware of the changes I wanted to be making, and Random Acts of Kindness takes a little more foresight than say, brushing my teeth.  Or does it?

With the awareness that I wanted to find some way to be kind and helpful everyday, everything became an opportunity to do such.  And it didn’t take a lot of money or planning.  It just took being mindful of my surroundings and the realization that every little bit helps the world.  It is like the butterfly who flaps her wings, the intention we have as we go about our days has power beyond that which we can understand.

What type of things am I doing?  Simple things.  One day I walked past a lighter on the ground outside of my car.  I took one step past it and remembered my ‘do good’ aims and turned around and picked it up and put it in the nearest trash can.  Another day in the same lot I picked up some paper trash and did the same.  One day I stopped when my kids were about to drive me crazy and gave one of them a deep, mindful, present hug which changed the dynamic instantly.  One day I remembered I had a dollar in my bag and tipped the gal at Inta Juice.

I know, that seems intuitive like you should do it all the time, but I NEVER have cash, I always use my debit card for everything.  It just so happened that one day there another girl had over charged me and handed me cash back.  So the next time I was there I remembered it and put it in their jar.

These are simple, simple, simple ways in which we send out love to multiply in the universe.  Random Acts of Kindness don’t have to be huge and full of hoopla, they can be small, and will show up to us in a myriad of ways when we are mindful of the world outside our own head.

Now I am off to get coffee.  And if someone is in line behind me I will buy theirs too.  Cause it is Monday, and we sprang ahead this weekend, so lots of us are still in a daze…

OK.  This made me cry this morning…enjoy:


Awesome Coffee Cake

Pin It

Last week the kids did NOT, I repeat, NOT want cereal one more time.  As if.  And you wanna know what I did NOT want one more time?  Pancakes.  Good lord, how many days of pancakes can you have?  If I ever actually ask, “What do you want for breakfast?” The answer is:


Seeing as how I had already made french toast earlier in the week with homemade whip cream and strawberries galore, I was not into another breakfast requiring syrup.  So I pulled down my muffin cookbook.  Nah.  Nothing sounded good there either.  So I googled:

Coffee cake.

And I didn’t have all of the ingredients for a single recipe.  Not one.

So I made one up.  And it was good.  And the kids asked for it the next day for breakfast.  And the day after that.  By day three the whole 9×13 pan was gone.  I guess I did something right!

Coffee Cake Recipe

1/2 C. butter

1 C. sugar

~cream together and add:

2 eggs

1 tsp. vanilla

in a seperate bowl combine:

2 C. flour

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

add to creamed mixture. Then add:

8 oz. of plain greek yogurt

2 diced apples (tiny dice)

~drop into a 9×13 greased pan, make the topping:

3/4 C. brown sugar

1/2 C. flour

1 tsp. nutmeg (most people would use cinnamon here, my daughter is allergic, we always sub nutmeg)

4 T. room temperature butter

~mix topping ingredients in a bowl mushing the butter in really well with the sugar and flour till crumbly.

Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes, or until the magic toothpick comes out clean.  Oven times vary after all.  Then eat.

awesome coffee cake recipe


Thursday’s Garden

I am thinking that from now until first frost, Thursday’s will be all things blooming.  And come to think of it, we are putting in a greenhouse, fingers crossed, in August so maybe it will be year round growing and not just seasonal.  We will see. And yes, if you are wondering, I am just GIDDY with delight at this time of year and can barely keep my energy contained.

Which is what spring is about.  Energy.  The energy of the wind blowing warmer weather our way.  The energy of the plants and new grass already poking their heads through the winter’s hard ground.  The energy of re-birth as we celebrate with eggs and seeds and bunnies.  Even the energy of the seeds who are hearing the mysterious message they receive each year that tells them, “It is time.  It is time to grow. You can do it little seed.  You can reach your full potential.”  And let’s not forget about the birds.  They feel the wind, absorbing the warm sunlight that is staying for longer and longer each day, and they realize from some intuitive sense within them, that is time to be on the move again as they point themselves north.

Yes, I am a spring nerd.  And proud of it.

My all time favorite flower is the daffodil.  When I was a kid, my family would take walks out on a point, in the woods, on a lake we had a house on.  Every spring without fail, a field of 1000 daffodils would open up where no one lived, shouting up to those of us above with the message that hope is alive.  That if those precious bulbs could survive the freezing of winter, so could we.  That even when life is hard and seems barren, new life was just around the corner begging for us to just pay attention.

Ahh…enough about the beauty of spring.  I am just flitting today because our weather forecast this weekend is on point for two whole days spent in the garden.  Between snow and wind, we have been kept mostly out, but not for long! Tomorrow is but one sleep away.

So to get things started, I am showing you pictures of our pathetic garden from last weekend.  It is really quite sad.  But change is afoot!

spring gardening the evolving homemaker

Oh my God.  Would you look at that mess?  We are still trying to get everything up from last year.  Then we have to hit the dump up with all those things in the back from fixing up my husbands office, and logs which have been here since we cut down the dead cottonwood we inherited, um four years ago?

Then it is on to the sprinkler system.  Don’t even get me started.  I have no idea how it will be done, but this I need to leave to the hubby cause there is too much other stuff to do.  Next Saturday it will be time to plant peas, spinach, and lettuce.  Seriously.  We have a lot of work to do this weekend.

garden prepping the evolving homemaker

This is my giving you the peace sign.  I realized I was in the photo and started goofing around with my shadow.

Looking at the strawberry beds and all the sunflower stalks from last summer.  Yeah.  Once the weeds overwhelmed me, I sorta let it go.  But this year?  I have a plan.  I do.  And the plan has no room in it for weeds throughout the yard and hordes of mosquitoes.

To start of this adventure in blooms, I am setting up a link party below!  On any Thursday you can come on over and share a blog post or link to photos you have of your own garden magic.  Be it flowers, food, birds, squirrels,chickens, goats, awesome things you learned, things you are wanting to try, new plants you are trying, methods you’re using, whatever it is garden/homesteading/farming related.  I have a lot to learn in the world of urban homesteading, and as I have heard that never goes away, there is always something to learn, especially when it comes to plants.

So let’s share away! This week will probably not include too much since I am introducing the idea.  But if within the week you want to link, have at it.  Next Thursday know that you can link your post here ahead of time!

Happy gardening!

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Emotional Eating

Yesterday I attempted to begin a cleanse.  Yet again.  The first time I ever tried the Crazy, Sexy, Diet 21 day adventure cleanse I lasted one, count em’, one day.  The next time?  Two days.  In December, SEVEN days.


I had coffee at 5:30 PM.

Here is the thing, and for once I could really feel it yesterday, I am an emotional eater.  I know we have talked about this before, but it bears repeating because it is something I deal with on a daily basis.  It is like an alcoholic who can no longer be around booze, unfortunately we have to eat to survive.  Food will always be there, always around, always the temptress dressed in sugar.

And trying to cleanse while also feeding small children who don’t have to cleanse their grilled cheese sandwiches is a disaster. You are constantly making two meals, for every meal, everyday.  And I wondered why I was still working on school with the kids at 5 PM last night.

The kicker is when things start to get hard emotionally.  As soon as I begin to get frustrated with my kids, excessive whining yesterday morning, and interrupting when I was on the phone with my Mommy, and crying, and not paying attention during school, and dilly dallying, and frustration over the state of the house…I want to grab a cookie. Go get a coffee.  Have chocolate.  Eat some crunchy chips.

Anything to mask the feeling that I am really having.

By 5 PM yesterday I was c.RAZY and as I headed to the grocery store I realized, that there is some serious work that needs to be done dealing with those feelings probably before I go crazy and drop all of my vices at once.  The reality is I don’t drink, I don’t smoke…anything, I don’t eat meat, I eat mostly organic food, I don’t drink soda ever, I love my juicer, so I am seemingly basically pretty healthy.

I just eat sugar…when I am sad, frustrated, tired, lonely, happy, overwhelmed, anxious, excited, or celebrating.  Which really, one or more of these emotions come

What is a girl to do?I made a list.  I am a list-er.  I like me a list.  It helps clarify what needs to be done, where I want to be going, what I need to do to get there.  For my journey to overall wellness, my list looks like this:

  1. daily meditation
  2. vitamins everyday
  3. exercise 6x week (Sunday’s off)
  4. juice daily
  5. brush 2x floss 1x daily (Some days I get to dinner and wonder if I even brushed)
  6. wash face in evening, sunscreen lotion in AM
  7. neti pot daily (yes, it feels weird)
  8. eat mostly vegan
  9. lose the white sugar
  10. increase flexibility
  11. yoga
  12. body work (massage, reiki, etc.)
  13. daily spiritual reading
  14. 70 oz. of water/day
  15. mindful eating (tasting the food as you eat)
  16. dropping acid inducing coffee (for the thousandth time or keep it and do everything else well)
  17. add daily gratitude
  18. live whimsy
  19. time in nature as often as possible
  20. weights
  21. add prayer
  22. walk dogs WAY more often
  23. random acts of kindness
  24. dress to feel good
  25. read 1 of the 5 Mindfulness Trainings in the morning
  26. more sex (I am not an addict, we’re just busy)
  27. dry brush before showering
  28. off my anxiety medication

To get to number 28 I need to incorporate most of the others.  Some things like random acts of kindness don’t seem like they help with wellness off the bat, but I think spreading joy to others makes us more joyful.

To get started I am going to type these up on a Word file and use it as a checklist at the end of everyday.  That way instead of doing everything at once, I can pick some today and slowly add the others.  By looking at the list every night, it will remind me of what I am trying to change, and allow me to be cognizant of where I still need to work on things. I wrote it in my journal, but everyone knows how once that page is turned it is all but forgotten.

Yup, I will be busy, and I will keep you updated.  But a well Mommy makes for a well family.  It is true.  You are what you eat, sleep, read, think about, and spread.  And those around you are too, because they are in your space.  For better or for worse.


Today I Am 39

Wow.  How on earth did this happen?  I don’t feel almost 40.  I don’t even feel 39.  And I think if most people looked at me they would not think I was 39.  Or maybe I am just fooling myself, maybe they actually do.   I feel as wise as 39 has earned me.  And I feel finally as if I am listening to myself, my own dreams, my own whispers.  Which I really, really, really like.

But my parents seemed WAY older at 40 than I feel.  Of course I was 7 then.  And I am not 40 yet.

A few weeks ago over at freeplaylife, Tiffany had us make our own superheroes.  Here is mine:

the evolving homemaker superhero

She is a bad ass. And totally reflects me.  Even down to the combat boots and pink hair.  As soon as I started to make her hair I said, “It needs to be pink.” And knew it.  I have always wanted pink hair.  That is the truth.  I was all giddy after she came to fruition and jumped on the treadmill to try to get my exercise for the day.

As I was walking/running, I thought to myself, “Why CAN’T I have pink hair?”  Really.  Why can’t I?

So I created a pink hair pin board.

And then I called my hairdresser who I hadn’t seen in 6 months due to intense time constraints.

And last Thursday I went to her.

pink highlights the evolving homemaker

And I have pink highlights.  And I want more.

[ink highlights the evolving homemaker

I LOVE it.  And I have an appointment on the 16th of this month for more.  It is trial and error.  I can’t see it from the front, and i want to be able to.  I really wanted more of a statement.  This is the first time EVER I have dyed my hair any color at all.  And it feels pretty dang fun.  I have dreams of changing the color of the highlights whenever I feel the desire for a different whimsical color.

So there you have it.  My birthday present to myself for 39.  Wow.  Tomorrow I will let you know what I am beginning today for my own longevity.  39 and 2012 I am taking by the balls.  I am not jokin’ around in case anyone thought I was. This is serious.  My own life, happiness, and joy are on the line and I am not leaving it up to the ebbs and flows of daily life.

Nope.  I am exploring.  Writing. Experimenting.  Trying new things.  Deeply listening to my internal wanderings. Planning some mini family vacations.  Reading.  Getting playful.  Adding some spunk.  Trying not to take too many things too seriously.  Remembering the fragility of it all when I become a wee bit complacent. And just going for it.

Today is all we have, and I want to make the damn best of it.  And I also want to be cognizant of teaching my kids that they can give themselves permission to do the same; to live by their own rules.  We only have ourselves to reach for what is fulfilling to our own souls yearnings.  Why on earth do we sit around waiting for an invitation to do so?

Here is your invitation.  Get to work.  And have some fun.


Can You Make Everyone Happy?

Ugh.  Rough day.  I am writing this post at 11:30 on Wednesday night because I have to switch up my schedule somehow.  I have to get more organized.  I have to do something other than what I am doing now.

What I am doing currently is evidently not working.

A few months ago I quit blogging.  After a few weeks I was bored.

I tried for awhile to bust ass to keep the house clean…er.  Then I gave up cause, what the hell?  It NEVER stayed that way.  EVER.

I try to stay present with my kids, but there is so much always that needs to be done.  Always.  Between trying to create a successful blog, cause if one is not trying to be successful to some degree than why is one here, trying to home school creatively, trying to just. keep. up.  Presence is not happening.

I try to be a good friend and say, “Yes” while also remembering to say, “No” sometimes too.  When saying “Yes” usually wins out cause I don’t want to be an ass. And I want friends.  I love my friends.  They are awesome.

I try to exercise and honor myself enough to care what I am putting in and on my body.  But I am just tired.  There is no time to fit it in too.

And then people post to Facebook about author signings to books like, “Cinderella Ate My Daughter” and now I have to be paranoid that letting my precious babe like princesses is somehow going to ruin her making me a totally irresponsible, not crunchy enough, crunchy Mom.

I feel incredibly blessed so often.  But today it was one thing after another.  One failure after another.  I was a shitty Mom, a shitty housewife, a shitty teacher, a shitty wife, a shitty exerciser, a shitty eater, a shitty customer, just plain shitty.  I could get on top of nothing.  At this point, I usually would play this tape in my head for the next few days, making myself feel a whole lot worse.

Not this time.

This time I am going to adjust where I can.  And then I am going to let the rest go.

I cannot make everyone happy.  I cannot even make my own self happy all the time.  I will allow myself to feel bad, sleep on it, and tomorrow I will awake with a renewed sense that everyday is an opportunity.  There is no room for perfection.   I will know I love my kids more than anything else in this world, and that will have to carry them through the days when we don’t get along that great.  I will understand that I really do try my almost best.  And that never won me any gold stars in the past, and it probably isn’t now, so I can cut myself a break already.  I will remember that learning to love myself is a journey, not a moment.

And then I will enjoy my birthday present to myself this year, which I happen to be getting tomorrow.

Come back on Friday to find out what it is…and in the mean time, cut yourself a break.  You are worth it.  I am gonna. And right at this moment, I am gonna do this too, make a list for yourself of 10 things that you are fantastic at.  Then savor them.  And feel the goodness that comes from appreciating what you really are.

Cause you are amazing. There is only one you.  And you have a million gifts to share with us.


Knitting A Thumb Hole?

So I decided to sleep in this morning since the kiddos went to bed so late and were sleeping in.  Instead of getting up and blogging and starting our day, I hid in my room, took the time to meditate, read the second mindfulness training from Plum Village Monastery, and began perusing a book called If It’s Not Food Don’t Eat It. It was next to my nightstand and all my other books I am currently reading were in the living room.  Not worth the risk of waking the kiddies up to go get them.


And then the kids got up. And our day has begun.  They are eating breakfast, yummy coffee cake from yesterday, and some yogurt, while I get this post up and think of breaking out the Omega Juicer for breakfast.

The knitting has hit a SNAG this week.  A big snag.  I finished the body of the glove then cast off, easy as pie.  Then I watched a You Tube video to try to figure out how to pick up the stitches for the thumb.  I knitted a thumb.  Then realized that there were a couple of large spaces in the knitting of the thumb AND it was inside out.  The knit was on the inside of the thumb hole and the backside was on the outside.

So I ripped it out and have yet to find the time to find another video.  We had a blasted busy Saturday and Sunday I played catchup with making a list of things that need to get done in the garden and in my life.  The list is long.  I am not feeling any pressure to get to it, actually feeling like I have knowledge of what it is, instead of the rambling thoughts in my brain that get lost.

knitting fingerless gloves the evolving homemaker

So you can see my needle holding the four stitches that I had to ‘hold’ for later.  I will figure this out.  I will.  I want theses gloves.

I am still reading the Dynamic Laws of Prosperity, and will be for the next five weeks as long as the class goes.  And went back to I Need Your Love-Is That True.  Funny, the day I finished Stillness Speaks and went back to this one, a friend posted she was reading Loving What Is by Byron Katie.  She was loving it, so it will probably be next on my list since I am enjoying the philosophy of I Need Your Love so much.

That is it for my reading and knitting update for this week.  Not much to share since I have found myself stuck at the moment.  Hope you all are having better luck this week!

Joining, albeit late, with the weekly Yarn Along!


Avocado And White Bean Wrap

Last month when my kids were puking their tiny little guts out, a dear friend offered to bring us over some dinner so I could get a momentary break from the week of constant bucket grabbing, face wiping, cartoon watching, fluid monitoring, non-showering, sleep lacking, chaos that was my experience at that moment.

Another friend brought me coffee from Starbucks.

Yes, I know I am THAT lucky.

I recently had a chance to try making the easy Creamy Avocado and White Bean Wrap recipe my friend had brought for dinner.  On any given day I often do have almost all of these ingredients poking around my cupboards and fridge so it is nice to have a recipe you can pull up in the witching hour.  I am the witch if you must know, the witch of making lovely healthy food for my family only to hear the little ones retort in some way other than, “Wow Mom! This looks so great!  I know it is good for me, so I feel very blessed to eat it, and I know it will be as delicious as it looks.”

The only ingredient I didn’t have on hand was the 2 teaspoons finely chopped canned chipotle chile in adobo sauce.  My friend used it and it definitely was the yummy kicker that made a difference.  I will get it next time I am at the store so I have it on hand for this recipe.  I find that I HATE eating lunch these days because I am so bored of sandwiches, cheese and crackers, chips in salsa which I will do in a desperate moment, and all other things lunch related.  So is my husband.

Now, we have a new weapon in our arsenal of lunchtime boredom.  Yeah.  It really is the little things.

avocado and bean wraps the evolving homeamaker

The great thing about this is how stinkin’ easy it is, you mash up some avocado with some beans, add some cheese.

veggie slaw for wraps the evolving homemaker

Toss the veggies in the food processor, chop some cilantro, add the dressing and put it in a whole wheat tortilla.

Yum.  And beautiful to look at too.  I think food should be beautiful.  If it isn’t beautiful, it probably isn’t that good for you.  I should know, I just ate homemade coffee cake.  It wasn’t beautiful, it did taste delicious, but probably is not that good for you, and I will have that recipe for you next week!

So skip the pb & j with the kids this week and go for something a bit more ‘grown-up’, your taste buds will be happy, oh so happy, you took care of them.


Being Mindful About Where Our Mind Is

On Friday I had a great lesson in mindfulness.  In fact, I am having the same lesson right at this moment as I sit and type this.  Hard lessons takes lots of awareness to overcome.

On Friday we were gearing up for quite a busy weekend.  My daughter had a dress rehearsal in the early evening, my son and I were going to volunteer for two hours Saturday morning, followed by me needing to get flowers for the little Irish dancer, food for lunch, my husband hoping to get in a motorcycle ride for sanity in between, back to another dress rehearsal by 3 PM, with me volunteering to organize the front end activities of the night, a recital, and then out to dinner with friends.

All day Friday as we were trying to do our school for the day, all I could think about was all the stuff I needed to get done, blush needed to be purchased cause we lost the first one we got, hair done, mascara on, food for dinner, dinner needed to be made probably, the house was a mess, laundry hadn’t been gotten to in some time, directions to the school needed to be found, the girl had to get dressed, we had to get through math, reading, science, history, and I always hope to get to hours where I read to them endless stories of knights, tiger’s, children, other cultures, whatever…

My mind was not on schooling at all.

And guess what happened?

I was a cranky, nervous, uptight Mama.  And school wasn’t fun.  The more I pushed, the more my son pushed back.   “Can we just get this done, done, done,” I am thinking to myself.  What he was probably thinking was, “Ahahaha, she is a crazy women right now, allow me to feed off her energy and be stubborn about my math work today.”

It is the same energy I have right at this moment too.  SO much to get done.  Not a good way to figure out how to make it all come together in sight.  I am writing this post as I am at a bounce play area waiting for friends to arrive!

What is this teaching me?  What about mindfulness can be garnered from a few days of living from a list in my head?

That living in my head, replaying constantly what needs to get done in other moments than the one I am in is no way to live.  It makes me anxious.  Go figure.  It makes me cranky with the kids.  Go figure.  It makes me not very effective at what I am attempting to do in the moment I am actually in.  It makes my nervous system ramp up until I talk and talk and talk and become hyper, hyper, hyper.

The reality is, the moment is perfect to be in.  I love doing school with my kids when I am present with them.  When I am in my head running through my lists it becomes a chore.  I love cooking delicious, healthy food.  When I am in my head ruminating over all the other things that need to get done, not enjoying the slicing and dicing, I resent cooking from scratch with whole foods.  When I am trying to meditate, and the realities of other things that need doing fight for my attention, do I need to even explain that meditating dissolves into chaos of brain activity?

So the lesson for the week?  Breathe.  Come back to the present moment.  Realize there is nothing on the list that is an emergency.  Usually.

My friend has arrived.  I will inhale the life cleansing force that brings me to this moment, allowing myself to enjoy our time together as our children play and get the wintery wiggles out.

Breathe.  There is only this moment.  Enjoy your mindful week.

breathe the evolving homemaker


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